If you can't achieve immortality by not dying, you can at least achieve it by dying of something original.

Unheimlich Laboratories offer a full diagnosis and registration service, by which your current (or imminent) ailment can be archived in your name, in perpetuity.

To commence the scan, simply enter your name

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Andy's Lurgy
Cause:	caught in hospitals
Symptoms:	glow-in-the-dark saliva, gurgling, sudden facial paralysis
Cure:	none
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis: